Finding the balance among family, work and personal care is never an easy task.  As a single mother, the complexities can be underscored by the fact that you are the sole financial support of your household as well as the only adult available to the children.  The following column was submitted by a 35-year old single mother from California, Nicole Williams.  In a note attached to the submission, Nicole writes, “Thank you for your time, consideration and for giving mothers a place to speak and learn”.  We would add our thanks to all of our readers and contributors for enlarging the conversation and for striving to further women’s progress in all aspects of life.

Balancing Work and Life As a Single Mother--Nicole Williams, California

Initially, when I thought of work-life balance I had an illusion that it was easy. Well, that was before I had a child. I thought that a woman can easily conquer the world as a mother and as a woman with a career. After I had my child, reality gave me a quick slap in the face - this is not an easy combination for women in America.

After I had my daughter, I ended up being a stay-home mom by for almost a year by default. The first time I was laid off from work was a month after I returned back to work from having my daughter in 2007. At first, I was a little relieved to have the opportunity to spend more time with my baby while I looked for a job that would provide a better financial future, since my daughter’s father and I were no longer in a relationship. What I thought would be only a few months turned into a 10-month job search.

When I finally returned to working full-time in 2008, I did feel as if I was missing some of the most important steps in my child’s life from not having any flexibility with life and work. Outside of missing milestone events such as seeing my child do her first baby sign language gestures and missing her take her first steps without help, I was also missing the option of having even the slightest flexibility with my job. This lack of flexibility was leaving me feeling tired and exhausted every evening. The company I worked for would write up anyone for arriving even one minute past 8 a.m. I was emotionally drained by my job’s constant monitoring of my daily whereabouts, and I was verbally berated weekly by a manager who treated me as if I was the competition versus a team member in the all-male sales department. Every day I was arriving to the office for 8 a.m, leaving out of the office by 8:30 a.m. to drive all over the city of San Diego with work, returning back to the office by 4 p.m. for one hour to do paperwork and meet with my manager, and I was battling rush hour traffic to make it to the babysitter’s before 6 p.m. On average, we weren’t getting home until around 6:30 each night. There was absolutely no flexibility in my life.

When I was laid off again almost a year ago, I was finally able to do something that I had not been able to do before which was to feel relaxed.  I knew that my financial status was about to change for the worse, but I felt that I finally knew that there was such a thing called balance. Every morning, I dedicated set hours to do job searches and figure out ways to reinvent my resume for each job I applied to and, for at least two hours, I dedicated spending time with my daughter.  Despite knowing that what I was receiving in unemployment benefits was only a third of what I could have been making if I was working, I still felt more relaxed and happier as a person.  I felt this way only because I was actually able to spend some quality time with my toddler during each day and not just 45 minutes every night. For the first time in a while, I actually felt like a mother again instead of just the woman who was the provider of food and shelter.

As women we can have a personal life and careers, but it is not easy to accomplish. I know that my personal story that I have shared is not too different from many other women in this country, including some married women who are basically taking care of their children, parents, or both without much assistance from their spouse. Trying to balance work and personal lives is challenging and often one side tips the scale just a little more than the other. It gets down to which is more important to the woman, work or family, and it’s often not an easy choice.