The New Having It All – the online center for career women, working mothers, women in leadership, people balancing work life, and those who want to have it all.

Resources

Call For Submissions

The New Having It All Seeks Submissions for Publication

The New Having It All has launched a campaign to further the national conversation around work-life and work-family balance. The campaign is designed to bring all women into the debate, by offering the opportunity to have their thoughts published, disseminated and collated into one source. By answering the following broad inquiry, individuals have the opportunity to add their voices to an issue that has enormous implications for women of all ages, incomes and ethnicities.

What does work-life balance mean to you?

We will collect submissions from women in all walks of life, across the age spectrum, and in a wide variety of occupations and lifestyles. Submissions will be posted on Blogging To Have It All, and select submissions will be published in print book format, projected for Fall 2010 publication. Further details about this initiative and The New Having It All submission requirements can be found at the foot of this column and hereafter on our website at http://www.thenewhavingitall.com.

Thank you. We look forward to reading your submissions.

Marguerite and Carol

The New Having It All

Please forward this call for submissions to anyone in your life (sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, colleagues, neighbors, friends, teachers, professors, coaches, beauticians, lawyers, doctors) who might be interested in this question.

Submission Guidelines

Submission length and title: each submission must be titled and must be no longer than 800 words.

Submission address: all submissions must be sent via email, as the body of the email message (no attachments, please) to: marguerite@thenewhavingitall.com.

Your information: no submission will be considered unless it is accompanied by an email address. By providing your email address with your submission, you agree that The New Having It All may contact you about the submission or other administrative purposes. You will not be contacted for marketing purposes nor will your email address be sold or given to third parties.

As thanks for your participation, you will be signed up to The New Having It All’s free bi-weekly news column, called “RoadMaps”. RoadMaps connects you to books, film, commentary and other creative outlets that further our discussion about how to create lives rich in career, family, health, friendship and self-expression.

Tell us more about yourself (OPTIONAL): should you desire, please tell us more about your background, your age and geographic location, and any other information you think would give us greater insight into your written piece.

Terms and Conditions

All submissions are subject to the following terms and conditions:

We reserve the right to select those submissions which will be posted on Blogging To Have It All and/or in print format. We will not post or print any submission which contains any of the following, as determined by us:

obscenities, discriminatory language, or other language not suitable for a public forum
-advertisements, “spam” content, or references to other products, offers or websites
email addresses, URLs, phone numbers, physical addresses or other forms of contact information
Critical or spiteful comments on other submissions, writers or websites

These Terms and Conditions govern your conduct, as associated with The New Having It All work-life balance initiative and call for submissions.

By submitting any content to The New Having It All, you represent and warrant that:

you are the sole author and owner of the intellectual property rights thereto;
all "moral rights" that you may have in such content have been voluntarily waived by you;
all content that you post is accurate;
you are at least 13 years old;
use of the content you supply does not violate these Terms and Conditions and will not cause injury to any person or entity.

You further agree and warrant that you shall not submit any content:

that is known by you to be false, inaccurate or misleading;
that infringes any third party's copyright, patent, trademark, trade secret or other proprietary rights or rights of publicity or privacy;
that violates any law, statute, ordinance or regulation (including, but not limited to, those governing export control, consumer protection, unfair competition, anti-discrimination or false advertising);
that is, or may reasonably be considered to be, defamatory, libelous, hateful, racially or religiously biased or offensive, unlawfully threatening or unlawfully harassing to any individual, partnership or corporation;
for which you were compensated or granted any consideration by any third party;
that includes any information that references other websites, addresses, email addresses, contact information or phone numbers;
that contains any computer viruses, worms or other potentially damaging computer programs or files.

You agree to indemnify and hold The New Having It All (and its officers, directors, agents, subsidiaries, joint ventures, employees and third-party service providers), harmless from all claims, demands, and damages (actual and consequential) of every kind and nature, known and unknown including reasonable attorneys' fees, arising out of a breach of your representations and warranties set forth above, or your violation of any law or the rights of a third party.

For any content that you submit, you grant The New Having It All a perpetual, irrevocable, royalty-free, transferable right and license to use, copy, modify, delete in its entirety, adapt, publish, translate, create derivative works from and/or sell and/or distribute such content and/or incorporate such content into any form, medium or technology throughout the world without compensation to you.

All content that you submit may be used at The New Having It All’s sole discretion. The New Having It All reserves the right to change, condense or delete any content on The New Having It All’s website that The New Having It All deems, in its sole discretion, to violate the content guidelines or any other provision of these Terms and Conditions. The New Having It All does not guarantee that you will have any recourse to edit or delete any content you have submitted. You acknowledge that you, not The New Having It All, are responsible for the contents of your submission. None of the content that you submit shall be subject to any obligation of confidence on the part of The New Having It All, its agents, subsidiaries, affiliates, partners or third party service providers and their respective directors, officers and employees.

Resource Library

The New Having It All Publications

"To Soar Through Shattering Glass," Carol O'Day, National Public Radio's This I Believe Series, www.thisibelieve.org (October 2008).

"The New Having It All: A Lesson for Our Daughters," Boston Women's Journal (Dec./Jan. 2007-2008).

Booklists

KNOW YOURSELF: Defining Your Personality, Passion and Motivation

Contemporary Fiction

The Ten Year Nap (2008), M. Wolitzer (2008)

The Radiant Way (1997), M. Drabble (1997)

The Nanny Diaries: A Novel, E. McLaughlin and N. Kraus (2007)

Third, a play by Wendy Wasserstein

Momzillas, Jill Kargman (2007)

Diary of a Mad Housewife, Sue Kaufman (1967)

The Mermaid Chair, Sue Monk Kidd (2005)

One True Thing, Anna Quindlen (1994)

The Golden Notebook, Doris Lessing (1962)

The Best of Everything, Rona Jaffe (1958)

Miss Alcott’s Email, Kit Bakke (2006)

Career Coaching/Counseling

Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career For You Through the Secrets of Personality Type, Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron (4th ed. 2007)

One Person/Multiple Careers: A New Model for Work/Life Success, M. Alboher (2007)

What Color is Your Parachute? 2008: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers, R. Bolles (2007)

What Color is your Parachute Workbook: How to Create A Picture of Your Ideal Job or Next Career, R. Bolles (2005)

I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was: How to Discover What You Really Want and How to Get It, B. Sher (1995)

The Art of Speed Reading People, Paul Tieger & Barbara Barron-Teiger (1998)

Pathfinder: How To Choose or Change Your Career for a Lifetime of Satisfaction and Success, Nicolas Lore (1998)

The Female Brain, L. Brizendine (2004)

Managing Your Mind: The Mental Fitness Guide, G. Butler & T. Hope (1995)

The Thinker’s Way: 8 Steps to a Richer Life, J. Chaffee (1998)

How to Think Life Leonardo da Vinci, M. Gelb (1998)

The Wisdom of the Enneagram, D. Riso & R. Hudson (1999)

The Essential Enneagram, D. Daniels (2001)

The Fine Art of Small Talk, Debra Fine (2005)

Creating A Charmed Life, Victoria Moran (1999)

Typing and Personality Assessment

Myers-Briggs Personality Testing Online

www.knowyourtype.com

www.personalitypathways.com

www.discoveryourpersonality.com

www.personalitydesk.com

Do What You Are: Discover the Perfect Career For You Through Secrets of Personality Type, P. Tieger and B. Barron-Tieger (2007)

What Type of Leader Are You?, G. Lapid-Bogda (2007)

Success, Leadership and Motivation

The Eleven Commandments of Wildly Successful Women, P. Gilberd (1996)

Total Leadership: Be a Better Leader, Have a Richer Life, S. Friedman (2008)

Built to Last, Jim Collins (2002)

Good to Great, Jim Collins (2001)

Coaching with Spirit: Allowing Success to Emerge, Teri-E Belf (2002)

7 Secrets for Building a Business that Has Value, Patricia Drain (2002)

Getting to Yet, R. Fisher & W. Ury (1981)

How to Sell Yourself: Using Leadership, Likability and Luck to Succeed, Arch Lustberg (2008)

Character, America’s Search for Leadership, Gail Sheehy (1988)

The Success Principles ™: How to Get From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be

J. Canfield and J. Switzer (2006)

See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work, L. Frankel (2007)

See Jane Win: The Rimm Report on How 1,000 Girls Became Successful Women, L. Frankel (2001)

Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers, L. Frankel (2004)

Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway (2006), S. Jeffers, Ph.D.

The 4-Hour Work Week, Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere and Join the New Rich, T. Ferris (2007)

Brag! The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn Without Blowing It, P. Klaus (2004)

For Teens and College Students

Firestarters: 100 Job Profiles to Inspire Young Women, K. Beatty (2006)

What Color is Your Parachute for Teens, R. Bolles (2006)

How to Win Friends and Influence People for Teen Girls, Dale Carnegie (2005)

Lives of Extraordinary Women, Kathleen Krull (2000)

Women of Achievement, S. Raven & A. Weir (1981)

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens, Sean Covey (1998)

Chicken Soup for the Soul, J. Canfield & M. Hansen (1993)

Meeting at the Crossroads: The Landmark Book About the Turning Points in Girls’ and Women’s Lives, L. Brown & C. Gilligan (1992)

Reviving Ophelia, Mary Pipher (2005)

See Jane Win For Girls: A Smart Girl’s Guide to Success, S. Rimm (2003)

See Jane Win: The Rimm Report on How 1,000 Girls Became Successful Women, L. Frankel (2001)

It’s Not the Glass Ceiling, It’s the Sticky Floor: And Other Things Daughters Should Know About Marriage, Work and Motherhood, K. Engberg, M.D. (1999)

Raising Financially Fit Kids, J. Godfrey (2003)

For Young Professionals and New Parents

Working and Parenting

The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Worst Paid, A. Crittenden (2002)

Getting to 50/50: How Working Couples Can Have It All by Sharing It All, Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober (2009)

The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much? L. Bennetts (2007)

See Jane Lead: 99 Ways for Women to Take Charge at Work, L. Frankel (2007)

Skirt! Rules for the Workplace, Kelly Love Johnson (2008)

Get to Work…And Get a Life, Before It’s Too Late, L. Hirshman (2007)

The Money Book for the Young, Fabulous and Broke, S. Orman (2007)

Ending the Gauntlet: Removing Barriers to Women’s Success in the Law, Lauren Stiller Rikleen (2006)

Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office: 101 Unconscious Mistakes Women Make That Sabotage Their Careers, L. Frankel (2004)

It’s Not the Glass Ceiling, It’s the Sticky Floor: And Other Things Daughters Should Know About Marriage, Work and Motherhood, K. Engberg, M.D. (1999)

Generation NeXt Parenting: A Savvy Parent’s Guide to Getting it Right, T. Goyer (2006)

Parenting and Professing: Balancing Family Work with An Academic Career, R. Bassett (2005)

Remaking Motherhood: How Working Mothers are Shaping Our Children’s Future, Anita Shreve (1987)

The Second Shift, A. Hochschild (2003)

Smashing the Glass Ceiling, P. Heim and S. Golant (1993)

Parenting and Families

Know Your Parenting Personality, Janet Levine (2003)

Staying Home: From Full-Time Professional to Full-Time Parent, D. Sanders & M. Bullen (1999)

Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul and Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul 2, Jack Canfield et al. (2001)

Mothers Who Think, Camille Peri ed. (1999)

The Joys of Much Too Much, B. Fuller (2007)

Busy But Balanced: Practical and Inspirational Ways to Create a Calmer, Closer Family, Mimi Doe (2001)

To Hell With All That: Loving & Loathing Our Inner Housewife, Caitlin Flanagan (2006)

The Girlfriends’ Guide to Getting Your Groove Back, Vicki Iovine (2001)

The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families, Mary Pipher (1996)

Reinvent--Addressing Midlife

Sequencing: The Groundbreaking Book on Having It All, But Not all At Once, A. Cardozo (1986)

The Second Journey: The Road Back to Yourself, J. Andersen (2008)

A Weekend To Change Your Life: Find Your Authentic Self After a Lifetime of Being

All Things to All People, J. Andersen (2007)

Repotting: 10 Steps for Redesigning Your Life, D. Holman (2007)

Leap! What Will We Do With the Rest of Our Lives?, Sara Davidson (2007)

If You’ve Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything, A. Crittenden (2004)

Feel the Fear… and Do It Anyway, S. Jeffers (2006)

Cool Women, Hot Jobs: And How You Can Go For It, Too! T. Schwager & M. Schuerger (2002)

An Unfinished Marriage, Joan Anderson (2002)

A Year By The Sea, Joan Anderson (1999)

Late Bloomers: 75 Remarkable People Who Found Fame, Success & Joy in the Second Half of Their Lives, Brendan Gill (1996)

Eat, Pray, Love, Elizabeth Gilbert (2006)

New Passages: Mapping Your Life Across Time, Gail Sheehy (1995)

Understanding Men’s Passages, Gail Sheehy (1998)

Passages, Gale Sheehy (1974)

The Overnight Resume, D. Asher (1999)

www.rethinkingretirement.com

KNOW YOUR PARAMETERS:

Inventory Your Life and Examine Your Work and Family Needs

Financial Literacy

Women & Money: Owning the Power to Control Your Destiny, S. Orman (2007)

The Road to Wealth, S. Orman (2008)

The 9 Steps to Financial Freedom: Practical & Spiritual Steps So You Can Stop Worrying, S. Orman (2006)

Smart Women Finish Rich: 9 Steps to Achieving Financial Security and Funding Your Dreams, D. Bach (2002)

Raising Financially Fit Kids, J. Godfrey (2003)

Skills Assessment

Time Management

Life Makeovers, Cheryl Richardson (2000)

The 4-Hour Workweek, Timothy Ferriss (2007)

The Tao of Time, D. Hunt & P. Hait (1991)

The Working Mother’s Guide to Life: Strategies, Secret and Solutions, L. Mason (2002)

Working Without Weaning: A Working Mother’s Guide to Breastfeeding, K. Berggren (2006)

The Working Mother Cookbook: Fast, Easy Recipes from the Editors of Working Mother Magazine (2000)

Management of Space and Stuff

Feng Shui: Step by Step, T. Simons (1996)

Feng Shui: The Chinese Art of Placement, S. Rossbach (1983)

Organizing From the Inside Out, Julie Morgenstern (1998)

The Simple Guide, Janet Luhrs (1997)

Computer Skills

Office 2007 All-in-One Desk Reference for Dummies (2006)

Beyond Bullet Points: Using Microsoft™ Office Powerpoint™ to Create Presentations

that Inform, Motivate and Inspire, C. Atkinson (2007)

Presenting Keynote: The Insider’s Guide to Creating Great Presentations, E. Holsinger (2003)

Creating Websites: The Missing Manual, M. MacDonald (2005)

Health and Personal Care

Spontaneous Healing, Andrew Weil (1995)

Minding the Body, Mending the Mind, Joan Borysenko (1987)

Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, Christiane Northrup (2006)

Everywoman’s Health, D. Thompson MD ed. (1980)

Creating Health, Deepak Chopra (1987)

Grow Younger, Live Longer, Deepak Chopra (2001)

Perfect Health, Deepak Chopra (1991)

The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy Not Time, J. Loehr & T. Schwartz (2003)

Opting Out and Reentering --Leaving or Returning With a Plan

The Opt-Out Revolt: Why People are Leaving Companies and Creating Kaleidoscope Careers, L. Mainiero and S. Sullivan (2006)

Opting Out?: Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home, P. Stone (2008)

Going Back to Work: A Survival Guide for Comeback Moms, M. Quigley (2004)

Cool Women, Hot Jobs: And How You Can Go For It, Too!, T. Schwager & M. Schuerger (2002)

Sequencing: The Groundbreaking Book on Having It All But Not All at Once, Arlene Cardozo PhD (1986)

W2W Ventures, www.w2wventures.com, services for high-performing individuals during an absence from full-time work

For New Parents

The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Worst Paid, A. Crittenden (2002)

It’s Not the Glass Ceiling, It’s the Sticky Floor: And Other Things Daughters Should Know About Marriage, Work and Motherhood, K. Engberg (1999)

Misconceptions: Truth, Lies and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood, N. Wolf (2003)

Sequencing: The Groundbreaking Book on Having It All, But Not all At Once, A. Cardozo (1986)

The Third Shift, M. Kremen Bolton (2000)

The Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Children, Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families, L. Steiner (2007)

The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars: Who Decides What Makes a Good Mother? M. Peskowitz (2005)

Get to Work…And Get a Life, Before It’s Too Late, L. Hirshman (2007)

Climbing the Corporate Ladder In High Heels, K. Archambea (2006)

Parenting and Professing: Balancing Family Work with An Academic Career, R. Bassett (2005)

Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most and Raise Happier Kids, J. Bort, Pflock and D. Renner (2006)

Getting A Life: Stories, H. Simpson (2002),

The Hip Mama Survival Guide, A. Gore (1998)

The Mother Trip: Hip Mama’s Guide to Staying Sane in the Chaos of Motherhood, A. Gore. And E. Forney (2000)

Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety, J. Warner (2006)

Working Mother Magazine, www.workingmother.com

Books About Moms and Nannies

The Nanny Diaries, Emma McLaughlin & Nocola Kraus (2002)

Searching for Mary Poppins: Women Write About the Relationship Between Mothers and Nannies, S. Davis and G. Hyams, eds. (2007)

And Nanny Makes Three: Mothers and Nannies Tell the Truth About Work, Love, Money and EachOther, J. Auerback (2007)

The Perfect Stranger: The Truth About Mothers and Nannies, L. Kaylin (2007)

How Serfdom Saved the Women’s Movement, Caitlin Flanagan, Atlantic Monthly, 3/2004

Global Woman, Nannies, Maids and Sex Workers in the New Economy, Barbara Ehrenreich and Arlie Hochschild (2003)

Motherhood and Parenting Communities

Babble, www.babble.com, magazine and online community for a new generation of parents

Flexibility Alliance, www.flexibilityalliance.org, motherhood community exploring career/family balance

Generation Mom, www.generationmom.com

Motherhood Confidential, www.motherhoodconfidential.com, online motherhood community

Mothers and More, www.mothersandmore.org, national non-profit with local motherhood communities

The Mothers’ Movement, www.themothersmovement.org

Mom Central Consulting, www.momcentralconsulting.com

Boston Mothers’ Groups

Parent Talk, www.parenttalk.info

Wellesley Mother’s Forum, www.wellesleymothersforum.com

Warmlines, www.warmlines.org

New England Mothers, www.nemothers.org

advocates for and connect parents to family friendly employment

Los Angeles Area Mothers’ Groups

Southern California Valley Mommies, www.scavalleymommies.com

Mothers And More, www.mothersandmore.org, West Valley, Pasadena and other chapters

KNOW YOUR INDUSTRY: Resources for Balancing Work and Home

Alternate Work Structures: Part-time, Flex-time, Work from Home

“Work-Life Balance and the Economics of Workplace Flexibility” and can be found at: http://www.whitehouse.gov/files/documents/100331-cea-economics-workplace-flexibility.pdf

The Savvy Part-time Professional: How to Land, Create or Negotiate the Part-time Job of Your Dreams (2006), L. Berger

The Parents’ Guide to Family Friendly Work: Finding the Balance Between Employment and Enjoyment, L. Long, Ph.D., www.familyfriendlywork.net

Flex Time: A Working Mother‘s Guide to Balancing Work and Family, J. Foley and S. Armstrong (2003)

The Work From Home Handbook: Flex Your Time, Improve Your Life, D. Fitzpatrick (2008)

The 4-Hour Work Week, Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere and Join the New Rich, T. Ferris (2007)

The Working Woman’s Legal Survival Guide, Steven M. Sack (1998)

“Eight Ways to Get Back in the Game After the Mommy Years,” S. Reistad-Long, Oprah, The Magazine, September 2007, http://www.oprah.com/magazine/200709/omag_200709_mommy.html

“Your Money: How to Make Money At Home,” M. Hunt, Woman’s Day Magazine, September 1, 2007, http://womansday.com/money/123019/your-money

Online freelance work sites:

www.elance.com

www.guru.com

www.hotgigs.com

www.sologig.com

www.ifreelance.com

Women Entrepreneurs and Mom-preneurs

Mompreneurs: A Mother’s Practical Step-by-Step Guide to Work-at-Home Success, P. Cobe & E. Parlapiano (1996)

Trust Your Gut: How the Power of Intuition Can Grow Your Business, Lynn Robinson (2006)

Microtrends, Mark Penn (2007)

Work the Pond: Use the Power of Positive Networking, Darcy Rezac (2005)

The Entrepreneurial Parent, www.en-parent.com, helping entrepreneurs make a living and a life

Marketing to Moms, www.marketingtomoms.com, marketing organization for connecting with the mom market

Mom-preneurs Online, www.mompreneursonline.com, online community for women entrepreneurs

My Woman Owned Business, www.mywomanownedbusiness.com, online networking community for woman-owned businesses

Small Business Administration, www.sba.gov

California Small Business Development Center Network, www.lasbdcnet.lbcc.edu, seven SBDC offices serving Los Angeles, Ventura and Santa Barbara counties

U.S. Chamber of Commerce, www.uschamber.com

Women At Work Network, www.womenatworknetwork.com

Best Practices, Employers and Corporations

“Work-Life Balance and the Economics of Workplace Flexibility” and can be found at: http://www.whitehouse.gov/files/documents/100331-cea-economics-workplace-flexibility.pdf

Working Mother Magazine, www.workingmother.com, magazine for career committed mothers

National Council for Research on Women, www.ncrw.org

Pathways and Progress, Corporations Best Practices to Shatter the Glass Ceiling, Women Employed (1996)

Educational Programs for Recertifying and Reentering The Workforce

National

National Association of Women Lawyers, programs at www.nawl.org

Detours & On-Ramps, regional conferences, http://www.onrampsforum.com/Conference.html

California

UC Berkeley, Haas School of Business

http://execdey.haas.berkeley.edu/ApplicationFiels/web/WEbFRame.cfm?web_id=714

University of California, Hastings College of Law, “Opting Back in Program’”

http://www.pardc.org/Optin/

New England

Bentley College

Bentley College Women’s Leadership Initiative, www.bentley.edu/wli

Harvard Business School

“A New Path: Setting New Professional Directions,” March 8-14, 2009, a week-long program for professionals with experience who are considering a return to the workforce, or are now ready to recharge their careers or take their professional lives in a new direction, March 8-14, 2009. http://www.exed.hbs.edu/redirects/path_alum/index.html

Tuck School of Business, Dartmouth College

“Back in Business: Invest in Your Return,” an 11-day program in three, separate modules aimed at returning professionals. http://www.tuck.dartmouth.edu/exec/targeted_audiences/back_in_business.html

New York Metropolitan Area

Fairfield University, Fairfield, CT

“Comeback Moms,” a day-long seminar, offered the past few years in the spring, check site for 2009 dates, http://www.fairfield.edu/pr_0307comeback.html

Pace University School of Law

“New Directions: Practical Skills for Returning to Law Practice,” http://www.pace.edu/page.cfm?doc_id=29130

Goldman Sachs

“New Directions,” occasional seminars sponsored by Goldman Sachs at its New York offices for different target audiences. Search www.goldmansachs.com for New Directions or Press Releases for next event.

Pennsylvania

Wharton School of Business

“UBS Career Comeback: A Fellowship Program for Professional Women Re-entering the Workforce,” program for professional women out of the workforce two to seven years. See website for future dates,

http://executiveeducation.wharton.upenn.edu/open-enrollment/leadership-development-programs/ubs- career-comeback-professional-women.cfm

Virginia and Washington, D.C.

University of Virginia's Darden School of Business

"Career Transition Workshop," January 14-16, 2009

Work/Life Balance

“Work-Life Balance and the Economics of Workplace Flexibility” and can be found at: http://www.whitehouse.gov/files/documents/100331-cea-economics-workplace-flexibility.pdf

Striking a Balance: Work, Family, Life, R. Drago (2007)

Having It All…and Making It Work, D. Quinn Mills (2004)

What Happy Women Know, D. Baker (2007)

Learn to Balance Your Life: A Practical Guide to Having It All, M. Heinz and J. Heinz (2004)

What’s Happening to Home: Balancing Work, Life and Refuge in the Information Age, M. Jackson (2002)

Seeking Joy: The Real Truth About Work/Life Balance—Women Corporate Executives Speak Out, (2003), R. Harper

Comfortable Chaos: Forget “Balance” and Make Career and Family Choices That Work for You,

C. S. Harvey, (2005)

Work + Life: Finding the Fit That’s Right For You, C. Williams Yost (2004)

When Mothers Work, J. Peters (1997)

Women’s Business/Enterprise and Networking Organizations

Catalyst, www.catlyst.org, research, advocacy, speakers and events to expand women in business

Center For Women’s Business Research, www.nfwbo.org, research and information for women owned businesses

Facebook.com

Financial Women International, www.fwi.org

Federally Employed Women, www.few.org

Linkedin.com

Metrowest Chamber of Commerce, Women’s Initiative, www.metrowest.org/networking/womens-initiative.htm

National Association of Women Business Owners, www.nawbo.org, promoting power and success of women’s businesses worldwide

Offrampsandonramps.org

Springboard Enterprises, www.springboardenterprises.org, dedicated to accelerating women’s access to equity markets

W2wlink.com

Women’s Business Enterprise National Council, www.wbenc.org, advocate of women-owned businesses as suppliers to America's corporations and the largest third-party certifier of businesses owned and operated by women in the U.S.

Women In Technology International, www.witi.com, news, career opportunities, articles and info to empower women through technology

Women In Networking Generating Success, (WA), www.womennetwork.com, regional networking organizaiton

WomenLead (CT), www.womenlead.org, regional business women’s networking organization

Boston Area

Babson College, Center for Women’s Leadership, www.babson.edu/cwl

Center for Women & Enterprise, www.cweboston.org,

education, training, technical assistance, certification, and access to capital for women

Boston Club, www.thebostonclub.com,

organization for high-achieving executive and professional women

Commonwealth Institute, www.commonwealthinsititute.org,

organization helping women entrepreneurs and CEO's grow their companies,

Downtown Women’s Club (MA), www.dowtownwomensclub.com,

Boston-based social and and business network for women professionals

Los Angeles Area

(coming soon)

Job Boards and Career Sites

Bullseyeresumes-careerreentry.blogspot.com, blog with career re-entry advice

Dream Jobs, www.dreamjobsinc.com (Texas)

Elance, www. elance.com, online freelance consultant connections

iRelaunch, www.irelaunch.com, online resources, job listings and educational opportunities

Flexperience, San Francisco Bay Area, www.flexperienceconsulting.com,

San Francisco Bay area flexible employment consultant

Flex-time Lawyers, Philadelphia and New York, www.flextimelawyers.com

national consulting firm advising corporations, law firms and attorneys on work/life

balance and the retention and promotion of women attorneys

Forte Foundation, www.fortefoundation.org, non-profit helping women at different career stages

Guru.com, www.guru.com, online freelance service marketplace

Hotgigs.com, www.hotgigs.com, online freelance community

Jobs and Moms, www.jobsandmoms.com, coaching site for re-engineering and re-entry

Jobs For Moms, www.jobsformoms.com, online job postings

MomCorps, Atlanta, Bethesda, www.momcorps.com,

high level contract and part-time work from home for attorneys, CPAs, IT specialists

and other professionals

Monster.com, www.monster.com, online job board and resume posting

New Directions, www.newdirections.com

On-ramps.com, recruiting firm focused on flex-force opportunities

Quest for Balance, Seattle, www.questforbalance.com,

recruiting, staffing work/life balance specialists

Round Peg Group, Alexandria Virgina,www.roundpeggroup.com, matching experienced consultants with dynamic businesses and flexibly work structures

Salary.com, www.salary.com, online salary wizard and career resources

Sologigs.com, www.sologigs.com, online consulting, contract, temp and freelance opportunities

10 Til 2, Denver, www.tentiltwo.com

specializing in long-term part-time placement of college-educated professionals

Women@Work, www.womenatworknetwork.com

Women For Hire, www.womenforhire.com, career expo and career search services for women

Your On Ramp, www.youronramp.com, online resources for career re-entry

KNOW YOUR ALL: Finding and Maintaining Work/Family Balance

Working Parent Resources

“Work-Life Balance and the Economics of Workplace Flexibility” and can be found at: http://www.whitehouse.gov/files/documents/100331-cea-economics-workplace-flexibility.pdf

Blue Suit Mom, www.bluesuitmom.com, online community for working mothers

Flexibility Alliance, www.flexibilityalliance.org, motherhood community exploring career/family balance

Programs for Working People, www.programsforworkingpeople.com

Work It, Mom, www.workitmom.com, online community and blogs for working women

Working Mother Magazine, www.workingmother.com

Professional Women’s Associations

American Association of University Women, www.aauw.org

American Medical Association, Women Physicians’ Congress, http://www.ama-assn.org/go/wpc

American Society of Women Accountants, www.aswa.org

Business and Professional Women/USA, www.bpwusa.org

College and University Work/Family Association, www.ncsu.edu

National Association of Schoolmasters’ Union of Women Teachers, www.nasuwt.org

National Conference of Women’s Bar Associations, www.ncwba.org

National Council of Women’s Organizations, www.womensorganizations.org

Pathbuilders, www.pathbuilders.com

Local Groups – New England

Boston Women In Finance, www.bostonwomeninfinance.org

Massachusetts Women’s Bar Association, www.womensbar.org

Women Lawyers Association of Los Angeles, www.wlala.org

Scaling Back: For Full-Time Professionals

Smart Women Don’t Retire, They Break Free, Gail Rentsch (2008)

Off-Ramps and On-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women on the Road to Success, S. Hewlett (2007)

The Opt-Out Revolt: Why People are Leaving Companies and Creating Kaleidoscope Careers, L. Mainiero and S. Sullivan (2006),

Opting Out?: Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home, P. Stone (2008)

Social Commentary and Perspectives:

The Feminine Mystique, B. Friedan (1963)

The Feminine Mistake, L. Bennetts (2007)

The Second Sex, S. de Beauvoir (1952)

The Second Stage (With a New Introduction by B. Friedan), S. de Beauvoir (1998)

The Mommy Wars: Stay-at-Home and Career Moms Face Off on Their Children, Their Choices, Their Lives, Their Families, L. Morgan Steiner (2007)

Getting Even: Why Women Still Don’t Get Paid Like Men…And What to Do About It, E. Murphy (2006)

In a Different Voice: Psychological Theory and Women’s Development, C. Gilligan (1982)

The Motherhood Manifesto: What America’s Moms Want—And What to Do About It, J. Blades (2006)

The F Word: Feminism in Jeopardy, Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner (2004)

Stiffed: The Betrayal of the American Man, Susan Faludi (1999)

Backlash, Susan Faludi (1991)

The Politics of American Feminism: Gender Conflict in Contemporary Society, James T. Bennett (2008)

Management, Gender and Race in the 21st Century, Margaret Foegen Karsten (2008)

The Evolution of Feminist Organizations, Diane Metzendorf (2008)

Gender and Families 2d ed., Scott Coltrane & Michele Adams (2008)

Sex Discrimination and the Law: History, Practice and Theory, B. Babcock, et al. (1996)

Sexuality, Gender and the Law, W. Eskridge & N. Hunter (2004)

Changing Rhythms of American Family Life, S. Bianchi Ph.D. et al. (2007)

A Mother’s Work: How Feminism, the Market and Policy Shape Family Life, N. Gilbert (2008)

The Time Divide: Work, Family and Gender Inequality, J. Jacobs (2005)

A Room of One’s Own, Virginia Woolf (1929)

Anything We Love Can Be Saved, Alice Walker (1997)

Infidel, Ayaan Hirsi Ali (2007)

Women Who Run With the Wolves, Clariss Pinkola Estes (1992)

The Education of a Woman: The Life of Gloria Steinem, Carolyn Heilbrun (1995)

Mothers Need Time Outs Too, S. Callahan, et. al,, www.momstimeouts.com

"The Corporate Woman (A Special Report): Cover --- The Glass Ceiling: Why Women Can't Seem to Break The Invisible Barrier That Blocks Them From the Top Jobs," Hymowitz, Carol and Timothy D. Schellhardt. The Wall Street Journal. March 24, 1986.

“Management and the New Facts of Life,” (the original mommy track article), F. Schwartz, Harvard Business Review, 1989

RESEARCH AND ADVOCACY

Organizations and Websites

A Better Balance, www.abetterbalance.org,

advocacy on work/family balance policies

Alliance Work/Life Policy, www.awlp.org

organization dedicated to advancing work-life as a business strategy integrating work,

family and community

Association for Research on Mothering, York University, Canada, www.yorku.ca/arm

community of researchers interested in the topic of mothering-motherhood

Bureau of Labor Statistics, U.S. Department of Labor, www.bls.gov, news, press releases, data bases

and reports on women in the labor force, compensation, work hours and structures

Center for American Women and Politics, www.cawp.rutgers.edu

Center for WorkLife Law, University California, Hastings, www.worklifelaw.org

research and advocacy center that seeks to eliminate employment discrimination

against mothers and other family caregivers

Center for Work-Life Policy (NY), www.worklifepolicy.org

research and works with employers to design, promote, and implement workplace policies

that increase productivity and enhance personal/family well-being.

College and University Family/Work Association, www.cuwfa.org

information and support on work/family issues within the higher education field

Equal Rights Advocates, www.equalrights.org

Forte Foundation, www.fortefoundation.org,

non-profit helping women at different career stages

Institute for Women’s Policy Research, www.iwpr.org

National Council for Research on Women, www.ncrw.org,

network more than 100 U.S. research, advocacy, and policy centers with resources on

policies, and practices to build a more inclusive and equitable world for women and girls.

National Organization of Women, www.now.org, national feminist advocacy organization

Sloan Work/Family Research, Boston, Massachusetts, wfnetwork.bc.edu

news, research and policy on work and family issues

Wharton Center for Leadership and Change, leadership.wharton.upenn.edu

programs for women returning to business after a hiatus

The White House Project, www.thewhitehouseproject.org

Women Impacting Public Policy, www.wipp.org

Women’s Legal Defense Fund

www.dol.gov/esa/regs/fedreg/porposed/comments/wldf.htm

Work and Family Connection, www.workfamily.com

Working Mother Media/Working Mothers Smart Moms Council,

www.workingmothermediainc.com

Legislation and Policy Resources

“Work-Life Balance and the Economics of Workplace Flexibility” and can be found at: http://www.whitehouse.gov/files/documents/100331-cea-economics-workplace-flexibility.pdf

Equal Pay Act, 1963, 29 U.S.C. Section 206(d)

Title VII, Civil Rights Act of 1964, 42 USCA s. 2000 et. seq., codified as amended 1971, 1992

Pregnancy Discrimination Act, Title VII, Civil Rights Act of 1964, 42 USCA s. 2000 at s. 701(k) (1978)

Equal Pay Act of 1963, 29 USC s. 206 (1963)

Equal Rights Act of 1967, expired without ratification, 1982

Title IX of the Civil Rights Act, 1973, no sex discrimination in federally-funded educational institutions

Family and Medical Leave Act of 1993, 29 U.S.C. Chapter 28

Family Leave and Medical Insurance Act, H.R. 5871, 2008

National Survey on Promotion and Retention of Women in Law Firms, National Association of Women Lawyers, November 2007, http://www.abanet.org/nawl/docs/FINAL_survey_report_11-14-07.pdf

The Sexual Harassment Handbook, Linda Gordon Howard (2007)

U.S. Department of Labor, Bureau of Labor Statistics, Women in the Labor Force Data Book and Highlights (2007), www.bls.gov

U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC), www.eeoc.gov

RoadMaps This Month

navigating paths to success for women

Visit our Home page for the August 23, 2010 edition of RoadMaps.

WHAT DOES WORK/LIFE BALANCE MEAN TO YOU?

August 23, 2020

Internships as Vehicles for Advancing Career Paths

The New Having It All is grateful for the work of its interns, and we wish to recognize two women who toiled effortlessly for us during the 2009-2010 academic year: Laura Sisk of Needham High School and Amy McDavitt of UConn. Laura and Amy, you have added immeasurably to the growth of our endeavor, and we look forward to hearing about your individual successes over the years to come.

The following is a column written by Amy and published in the 8 July 2010 issue of the Needham Hometown Weekly.

Since starting college the concept of returning home for the “summer” has been somewhat awkward. I am an undergraduate at the University of Connecticut, and my summer begins around May 10. For the past two years, I’ve returned home preparing to spend eight weeks in a sort of limbo, waiting for the public school calendar to catch up and agree that it is, indeed, summer (having two family members enrolled or working in the schools and a job as a camp counselor largely dictates this sequence of events). This summer, however, started off differently. Instead of searching for ways to fill the gap between end of school and start of camp, I’ve taken advantage of a fantastic opportunity.

The opportunity I’m speaking of is an internship with a small startup firm, and the link to that opportunity was Gretchen Ayoub, the director of the Community Service Learning Program at Needham High School. Although I am no longer a NHS student, I stay connected with Ms. Ayoub. When she heard I was interested in trying to find an internship-type position for the eight weeks before my job at camp began, she took the time to provide me with a list of suggestions. Among them was Marguerite Dorn of The New Having It All, a Needham-based coaching form that helps women make lifestyle choices to facilitate success at work and at home. I struck up an e-mail correspondence with Marguerite, and we met in person during my spring break. As she described the mission of the firm and her summer plans to work on a book that would gather the ideas and principles behind The New Having It All into one place, I knew this was a project with which I wanted to be involved. As a journalism major at school, I was interested to learn more about writing, marketing and publishing.

As I begin my final week of work with Marguerite and The New Having It All, I feel lucky to have had the opportunity to learn so much in a fairly short time. I have had the chance to write by responding myself to the firm’s call for submissions for the book, which continues through the summer and in described in detail at http://www.thenewhavingitall.com. I have learned about marketing and working to get one’s projects noticed, and through such outreach, I have learned about writers’ groups and conferences. What makes this experience so very valuable, beyond learning new things, is the knowledge that I will use all I have learned again in the future – the ultimate goal of any internship. I am grateful to Ms. Ayoub for fostering a connection I would not have found on my own. And I will look forward to next year’s “gap time” with great anticipation.

The following is a submission received in response to our outreach. Written by Christie Rana of Massachusetts, the column is a poignant reflection of one woman’s choices when faced with the decisions inherent in working and raising a young family.

August 16, 2010

The Work/Life Balance
By Christie Rana

Life is all about balances. That said, finding and maintaining those balances is never easy. In addition, the scale is always being altered given different life changes, primarily family and career changes. Having had three careers in my life (including being a stay-at-home-mom), and likely more to come, I feel that finding a career that best suits you and your life is all part of finding the work/life balance. It is so important to enjoy what you do, and realizing that is what made me switch from my first job on Wall Street to my second career, teaching. Though Wall Street allowed for ritzy events and solid paychecks, I envisioned a different future for myself, as I knew I wanted to be an involved mother one day. As a result, I changed to a career in teaching – one that I thought would allow more time for me to be a mom one day, and in the meantime, found a lot of joy in the less dazzling lifestyle, appreciating the larger impact I was having on my students. When I finally had children of my own, I realized that whatever your career, there is no way to get around the fact that life is challenging as a working mom. Demands come at you from all sides – no matter what the job, and you are constantly learning how to prioritize, and even accept that some demands simply cannot be met. Over time, I learned how to not be so disappointed in myself when I was not able to meet a demand. I found that by accepting the idea that perfection in work and/or life is at most a temporary state made me more at ease.

I had my first child in my seventh year of teaching, and my second child in (what would have been) my ninth year of teaching. Both of their births occurred during my husband’s five-year surgical residency program in Boston. Needless to say, due to his work demands, he has not been able to be the involved husband/father both he and I would have hoped he would be…his time will come! Ultimately, my husband and I decided that I would stay home after the birth of our second son, during the last two years of his residency program. Our reasoning: the work involved with being a mom and teacher was not worth the salary I was making, especially given the cost of two in day care. To make matters more challenging, we do not have any family in the immediate area, so though our families have undoubtedly been a great support to us, the daily job of raising two kids has felt much like a solo venture. Don’t get me wrong, first and foremost, I feel so fortunate to have this very special time with my kids, but being a parent is the most difficult job I have ever had…and yet, it is also the most rewarding! Being with my sons as they grow individually and together is the most wonderful thing to witness. (And on a personal note, I am truly impressed with all that I am able to do and manage on my own on a daily basis.)

In my opinion, having been a working mom and a stay-at-home-mom, neither is the perfect answer. And as a result, I have never and will never judge any woman for what she chooses to do; the best decision is the one she decides on for herself, that best meets the her needs and those of her family. To have the “perfect solution,” I feel strongly that one needs to choose a path, and make the best of that decision with no turning back (much easier said than done). In my case, with a husband who is in his final year of residency, and two young children, staying home with our children is the best choice for us as a family, and coincidentally, for me too. I have also learned that by choosing – not just accepting - that this is the life I want, I can naturally let go of some of the doubts and regrets I may have had along the way.

After a year of being home, truthfully, there isn’t much I regret, and I certainly wouldn’t change a thing (except to have had my husband home more, and the power to have had my younger son sleep through the night earlier than he did!) And, as I look forward to knowing I have the next year home with my boys too, I know in my heart, that though I may have regretted going back to work, I will never regret staying home with my kids. As someone once said to me, at least in these precious early years, “The seconds go by slowly, but the years quickly.”

June 14, 2010

Plan Ahead To Have It All:A College Student Looks Ahead to Work and Family

Work-life balance is today a part of the national conversation, with intense debate among those in the White House, the media, and the classrooms.Nonetheless, when all is said and done, work-life balance happens at the individual level, through a process of optimizing choices and planning ahead.Individuals in the early stages of their professional lives – or at the stage of securing their education – are beginning to realize the necessity of thinking about and planning for work-life and work-family balance.Ahead of them, they recognize inevitable crossroads:whether to take a life partner, whether to have children, how to identify and craft a career trajectory that will mesh with their personal commitments.Each of these choices will require individual analysis in order to create an ultimate fit.

The following entry was sent to us by Amy McDavitt, a 20-year old college student from Massachusetts.We chose to publish her piece because her words reflected the growing awareness within this age group of the need to consider and plan for strategies to balance the desire for a family and for a successful career.

A few weeks ago, I was sitting at a school event when someone asked the girl beside me, “So, what’s your dream job?” She blurted out something about business, more specifically being an entrepreneur, before she hit upon her response—“Being a mom.” That statement caught me off guard. Here I was, at this Career Services dinner in my dress pants, trying to think of something intelligent to say to properly “network” with the employer across the table, and this girl had no problem saying that her ultimate dream is to be someone’s mommy.

Somewhere during the discomfort of adolescence, I went through a phase where I was positive I didn’t want to get married or have children. I would do things on my own, I decided, and two or three pets would be more than enough company. Independence seemed paramount to achieving the high-minded career goals that seemed so very in reach before the realities of being in college, where the countdown to joining the Real World begins. Seriously considering what I want to do after graduation, where I want to do it, and who I want around me changed my perspectives very quickly. At the halfway point of my college career, my worry has become: how am I going to juggle it all? I have aspirations of breaking important stories, meeting new and interesting people, and asking the tough questions. However, the hectic pace and uncertain hours that accompany these don’t seem to mesh with other visions of afternoons on the swing set, hours playing dress-up, and story time before bed. That’s not to mention a spouse, a partner, someone I know inside and out and love.

For now, though, this is somewhere in the future. For now, I’m allowed to be young and idealistic. These dreams and aspirations are somewhere in the back of my consciousness while I work towards my degree. Ultimately, at some point in the years to come, I hope to take a look at myself and find a woman who is accomplished, loved, and also the best mommy in the world (well, at least in the opinion of one or two people). The balancing will be difficult, I know, but I am willing to work hard and compromise in order to have a job I enjoy to support a family of my own. I can’t imagine life without the industry of work or the love of someone who looks to me for everything, especially the latter. The girl beside me at dinner had the right idea, one that my own mother has told me I will understand some day: when you finally have someone that is yours, who loves you and idolizes you and looks to you for all the answers—that is the ultimate job, more difficult and yet better than anything else.

--Amy McDavitt

June 1, 2010

Work-Life Balance Writing Initiative

Join the Conversation: June 1-August 31st

Working Full-Time and Sharing The Kids with the Nanny

L.B. writes about an issue that affects many working moms: how to foster a caring and independent relationship between your children and your nanny without feeling that you have had your authority usurped. While they want their children to develop loving and trusting relationships with their care-givers, many working moms fight feelings of jealousy or resentment when it appears that the nanny is sometimes “mom”.

I am a mother of two kids (ages two and four) and I work full-time. I love my work and I don’t think I would be happy at home. Besides, we really need my income.

My work schedule keeps me out of the house from about 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. on weekdays. I’m fortunate to have a nanny whom my kids adore. A part of me, though, worries that the kids not only adore her, but love her more than me.

Our nanny, Zia, was with the same family for ten years but wasn’t able to relocate with them when they had to move out of state. I spoke to the mother of that family at length and she was devastated about losing her. I thought we were fortunate to find someone so easily, and so I hired her on the spot. I thought we were so lucky to have found the perfect nanny. At the beginning, I loved her as much as the kids did. And everyone else did too – the grandparents and teachers and neighbors.

But then I started feeling like Zia was undermining my authority as the mother. And that she was the real caretaker – the real mommy – and that I was the absentee mommy, or worse, not the mommy at all. My heart aches when my kids call out her name in the middle of the night, rather than mine. And the day my little one took her first step and I wasn’t there to see it, I thought I would die. I feel so torn.

The thing is, Zia isn’t doing anything really wrong. But she seems to find ways to remind me that I am not living up to my commitments as mother. When Lauren (my four year old) forgot to complete her science project over a weekend, I heard Zia tell her that everything would be ok, because she was back to help her. I feel like she is judging me.

So, am I a good mother? Why do my kids behave better for her than for me? I guess maybe I’m ambivalent about working full time. But I think a lot of working moms feel this way. And I don’t want my kids to pick up on the fact that I’m conflicted.

When I think about the question of work-life balance, I guess it means to me that place where I can be comfortable with my decision to work. I want my kids to know that I love them and that they mean the world to me. And I want them to understand that part of the reason I work is so that I can help to provide for them and contribute to the household budget.

My husband is very supportive and tries to understand how I feel about the kids’ relationship with Zia. But, even though he works longer hours than I do, he doesn’t share my conflict or resentments.

My goal is to get to a place where I stop focusing on the number of hours I spend with my kids and more on the quality of the time we have when we are together. And I am working on appreciating the fact that I can trust Zia to care for my kids when I am not there, without feeling threatened by her.

L.B., age

36, Ashburnham, MA

May 17, 2010

On The Road To Work-Life Balance, It’s All About The Inner Game

The Inner Game of Tennis, W. Timothy Gallwey (1974)

“Every game is composed of two parts, an outer game and an inner game. The outer game is played against an external opponent to overcome external obstacles, and to reach an external goal…[N]either mastery nor satisfaction can be found in the playing of any game without giving some attention to the …inner game. This is the game that takes place in the mind of the player, and it is played against such obstacles as lapses in concentration, nervousness, self-doubt and self-condemnation. In short, it is played to overcome all habits of mind which inhibit excellence in performance.”

When Timothy Gallwey published The Inner Game of Tennis in 1974, the premise that peak performance in athletics had as much to do with mental control as physical prowess was downright outlandish. Today, the connection between mind and body is taken as more or less a given, and books that deal with attitude, concentration and self-confidence line the self-help sections of the bookstores. In fact, we now know that mastery of the inner game is a crucial element to any success – be it in sports, business, relationships, or personal development.

Yet, in our day-to-day efforts to create work-life balance, many of us focus the bulk of our energies and analyses on the externals – workplace flexibility, time management or the availability of good childcare. Social policies that enhance flexibility and recognize the important work of parenting are certainly vital. Yet, when it comes right down to it, the ability of any individual to achieve life balance and success is far more reliant upon the internals -- perspective, attitude, knowledge and focus -- than upon any external structure or mechanism.

Examples of how women can succumb to the inner game are myriad: the working mom who feels that she is neither succeeding in her work life – where she often struggles to stay on top of her workload – or in her personal life – where she often has to miss a recital or soccer match; the mom at home who has lost all confidence in her skills and wonders why she ever bothered to get that degree; the woman who works day and night in the belief that she will succeed up the corporate ladder only if she is twice as good as the men in her department; the midlife woman who still has much to offer the world, but has lost touch her dreams and passions.

“Whereas our external goals are many and various and require the learning of many skills to achieve them, the inner obstacles come from only one source and the skills needed to overcome them remain constant”. How, then, do women win the inner game? Gallwey points to three crucial skills: the ability to focus, so as to hear your inner voice steering you toward what you really want; the ability to avoid self-judgment, so as to objectively assess where you are, where you want to be, and the distance between the two; and the ability to break old and self-defeating patterns – not by fighting the patterns, but by instituting new ones.

And we would add another: the necessity of planning. Any woman who has faced a crossroads in life – whether to partner, whether to bear children, whether to work outside the home, whether to start a business, whether to return to the workforce after hiatus – tells us that the more she planned for the inevitable choices, the better her ability to render control over the outcomes. Moreover, these women will usually report that the choices became more or less instinctual for them – once they allow themselves the opportunity to process the necessary information, believe in their conclusions, and trust their guts.

“Maybe wisdom is not so much to come up with new answers as to recognize at a deeper level the profundity of the age-old answers. Some things don’t change. The need to trust oneself and grow in understanding of our true selves will never diminish. The need to let go of the lenses of “good-bad” judgment of ourselves and others will always be the doorway to the possibility of clarity. And the importance of being clear about one’s priorities … will never become less important while you still have life.”

Let the games begin!

April 26, 2010

Contemplating Mother's Day in a New Having It All World

The Gift of An Ordinary Day, Katrina Kenison (2009)

Mitten Strings for God: Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry, Katrina Kenison (2002)

I took the bait. Several weeks ago, a forwarded email message popped into my inbox, and instead of automatically deleting it, as I ordinarily would in my ongoing mission to streamline my working mom life, I clicked on the YouTube link. I watched author Katrina Kenison, and a slide show of her photographs, as she delivered excerpts from her newest book, The Gift of An Ordinary Day, on themes of slowing down, finding authenticity, making room for quiet, and genuinely appreciating the ever-so-quickly evaporating and transient time that is the childhood of our children. Kenison’s words moved a room full of middle aged women—they smiled, nodded and teared at her words.

Captivated, and knowing that Kenison’s words echoed the desires and anxieties of many RoadMaps readers, I tracked down her two books on this topic—Mitten Strings For God and The Gift of An Ordinary Day. Mitten Strings is a tribute to the younger years of child-rearing—the times of snowmen, and Christmas cookies, bath times, toddlers clamoring into parents’ beds at dawn, nature walks, picture books and star-gazing. Mitten Strings was moving; it was a warm and generous reminder for women in the throes of raising young children that their challenging work, and their commitment to sculpting and protecting family time—preparing and observing family dinners, limiting or banishing television, reading picture books and sharing the gifts of nature with children—is a most noble and worthwhile calling.

Yet, Mitten Strings didn’t speak, any longer, to my current reality, as the mother of as adolescents with burgeoning, if sometimes painful and unrefined, independence. It didn’t address the looming specter of the empty nest and the phenomenon of post-occurrence realization of “lasts”—the last time your child sits on your lap to read a book with you, the last time you give your child a bath, the last time your son holds your hand or accepts a kiss in public (at least for a while). Generally, we don’t know these moments have slid into our past until we attempt them later and realize our children have outgrown them and rebuff our entreaties. Mitten Strings didn’t speak explicitly to the seismic shift a mother feels as her children grow and claim to need her less, and sometimes not at all. It did not capture a mother’s sudden grief at the moments when a child’s first real steps of independence (teen-aged friends, the ability to drive or the maturity to navigate the mall or a movie alone) cause a mother’s child to walk away from her. It didn’t soothe the ache of lost identity an at-home mother feels when she suspects her job is almost finished. It did validate the creep of nostalgia a mother has for the years when her children were adorable, sweet and chatty and cuddly, not sullen and silent and remote. Mitten Strings didn’t parse those sentiments; The Gift of An Ordinary Day tackles them head on.

In The Gift of An Ordinary Day, Kenison recounts the dramatic perfect storm her family encountered just as she and her husband were turning the corner to enter their children’s adolescence. Kenison unexpectedly lost a job she had held for over a decade (an idyllic at-home position as a book editor) at about the same time her husband suffered a downturn in his business. The couple was compelled to sell their home, leave the only neighborhood they and their children had ever known, move out of state, and move in with Kenison’s parents while the dust settled. Kenison’s upheavals represent the mid-life changes all families face as one chapter of their work-family dynamics morph into another, sometimes less than seamlessly. The Gift of An Ordinary Day acknowledges that the stages of the evolution of a family sneak up on us. Stages end, phases close and are behind us, almost before we know they are over. When we realize a child has outgrown a favorite tradition or a custom, we seldom grant ourselves permission to mourn the passing of those past precious times. We can find ourselves adrift and nostalgic for days gone by. Ultimately, and after perhaps more soul searching than most of us would indulge, Kenison does find peace with the changes in her life—the release of one son to college and another not far behind. She find a ways to reinvent her family life and, more importantly, herself and embraces a future of new horizons with the promise of new professional achievements, new friendships with neighbors and colleagues, and a new phase in a marriage returning to couple-hood after its journey through parenthood.

Happy Mother’s Day-May 9, 2010

April 5, 2010

Workplace Flexibility: One Step Closer to Having It All

Work-Life Balance Report, The White House, 2010

The Obama Administration opened last week an urgently-needed national conversation with its Forum on Workplace Flexibility. The Forum was timed to correlate with the publication of a report that we want to highlight for you as this week’s reading. Created by the White House Council of Economic Advisers, the report is entitled, “Work-Life Balance and the Economics of Workplace Flexibility” and can be found at: http://www.whitehouse.gov/files/documents/100331-cea-economics-workplace-flexibility.pdf.

The report is designed to provide an economic perspective on flexible workplace policies and practices. The need for increased flexibility rests on several findings: that women comprise about 50 percent of the current U.S. labor force; that in nearly one-half of U.S. households, all adults are working; that a vast number of these adults are also caring for aging family members, and that the demands of the marketplace are causing more workers to supplement their education while working.

The report’s findings underscore the dramatic shift that has taken place in the working landscape over the past generation. Forty years ago, when the “boomer” population was growing up in America, 50 percent of children were raised in households where the father worked full-time, the mother was not in the labor force, and the parents were married. Today, only 20 percent of children live in such households.

The bottom line is that American workers increasingly need to balance employment with other responsibilities. In order to do so, two questions need to be met. First, to what extent does the workplace as currently comprised accommodate these needs? Second, to what extent is our younger population of prospective workers educated to understand how to integrate their personal and professional commitments going forward?

Workplace flexibility relates to when one works, where one works and how much one works. To a large extent, questions of flexibility equate with questions of control: how much input is a worker permitted in questions like scheduling or emergency absences. Thus, examples of flex policies might include nontraditional stop and start times to the work days; working remotely; job sharing; the permissibility of leaves of absence, and “returnships” (midcareer employees returning after a hiatus out of the workforce).

The report goes on to talk about the benefits to companies in instituting these types of flex policies – worker satisfaction, productivity, retention – and points to various companies where flex policies are already the norm. Nonetheless, while these particular companies may have found success in implementing flexible policies, we all have had experience with paper policies not matching practice. Flexible arrangements often appear more generous on paper than in practice, and they can be highly dependent on the generosity of immediate supervisors. What’s more, the current recessionary economy has led some employers to take away flex benefits.

This brings us to our second inquiry. Are we educating our younger workers-to-be in the necessary life skills underlying work-life integration? Are we teaching our graduate students how to look ahead, clarify their goals, and understand the inevitable crossroads to come, where they will be called upon to make career and life choices? Have we given them the tools to play out how their choices will affect their objectives for work-life integration? Have we told them, these sons and daughters of ours, that they can have it all, so long as they are very clear about what they want their all to be?

President Obama ended last week’s Forum, saying that workplace flexibility “is not just a ‘women’s’ issue but an issue that affects the well-being of our families, the success of our businesses and the future of our nation’s economy.” Workplace flexibility is one step on the road toward each person’s ability to integrate successfully the pieces of their lives. Personal initiative and education is yet another. In the end, we will have reached societal success when conversations no longer include the phrase “work-life balance”, but center simply on balanced lives.